Didn't wait? Here's hope!

This article is a sidebar to Why wait for sex?

If you’ve already chosen to have sex before marriage, you probably believed one of three things: (1) if we are truly in love, this is okay; (2) if I want it so badly, it must be natural and therefore okay; or (3) if God doesn’t take away my desire, it must be okay. These are three of the biggest lies about sex that Satan feeds to Christians. And, remember, “When he lies, he speaks his native language” (John 8:44).

To make matters worse, if you discover that you’ve caved in to a lie and then admit your sin, Satan may hit you with another set of lies: “You are damaged goods. No one will ever love you. God will never be able to accept you or use you again in his Kingdom.” One friend told me that she had a harder time dealing with the shame of her premarital sexual experience than with the guilt. She said that as she grew in her faith, she experienced more awareness of God’s forgiveness of her guilt. But she continued to feel deep shame about her actions.

Whether Satan uses lies, unwarranted guilt or shame, his intent is that we write ourselves off because of our sin. But this is utterly contrary to Scripture. If our sins destroyed us completely, there would not be hope for any of us.

Paul wrote to the Romans that God hates many sins: sexual impurity, idolatry, murder, evil doing and a host of other terrible sins. But notice what else Paul includes in his list: gossip, boastfulness, disobedience to parents, and deceit (Romans 1:24-32). What a mixed list! Who can claim innocence? The bottom line is that all of us are utterly dependent upon his grace, whatever the expression of our own sinfulness. None of us can stand before God except on the basis of a “righteousness that is by faith from first to last” (Romans 1:17).

But some of us need more reassurance than this verse gives. “Being forgiven is one thing, but am I so tainted by my sin that purpose and meaning are gone from my life?” If this is your question, take a look at the account of Jesus’ ancestors in Matthew 1:1-16. There are only four women listed in this passage, yet from prostitution to adultery, these women were affected by the evil in their worlds. This is no oversight on God’s part. I think he intentionally chose women to whom we can relate. In this list are women and men who are like us. Some sinned sexually. Others were deeply affected by the moral climate around them. But these were the people in the lineage of Jesus. God not only fully forgives, he also fully redeems. He’s using sinful people, like you and me, to build his Kingdom.

— Alice Fryling

Main article: Why wait for sex?